Missing The Point

I recently read a tragic article about a young man at New York University who jumped to his death at the school’s library the other day.  One of the school’s spokesman said, “It’s a very competitive school that stresses people out. This sort of stuff happens at places like this”.  Sort of like a variation of “shit happens,” don’t you think?  I think this misses the point.

Some months ago, I wrote a blog article called, “The Death of a Law Student.” A brilliant young man – I’m sure much like the man who killed himself this past week – from Fordham Law School, David Nee, killed himself shortly before graduation.  While there may be no concrete answers to these tragedies, I feel that there are lessons to be learned.

First, when reporting these stories, there is usually no mention of the victim’s psychological history.  Neither is there in most news accounts of the 30,000 people who kill themselves every year in this country. 

That’s okay, because everyone has a right, as does their surviving family, to privacy.  Yet, I am sure if we were to know the whole story about these victims, we’d find that the majority of them had been suffering from depression for some time.  It wasn’t just “stress” or a “competitive academic environment” or a job loss which caused these deaths.  Perhaps, it was the latest in a series of emotional struggles; inner battles which that person fought valiantly but ultimately lost.

Second, I think these suicides underscore just how painful depression really is. Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison (click here to read an interview with her), author of the recent and definitive book, Night Falls Fast, captures this sense of pain:

“Depression paralyzes all the otherwise vital forces that make us human, leaving instead a bleak, despairing, and deadened state.  It is barren, fatiguing, and agitated condition:  one without hope or capacity.  All bearings are lost; all things dark and drained of feeling.  The slippage into futility is first gradual, then utter. Thought, which is pervasively affected by depression as mood, is morbid and confused.  The body is bone-weary; there is no will; nothing that is not an effort, and nothing that at all seems worth it.  Sleep is fragmented, elusive, or all-consuming.  Like an unstable gas, an irritable exhaustion seeps into every crevice of thought and action.”

It is so painful, in fact, that some sufferers would prefer death to the ongoing agony of dealing with depression for the rest of their lives.  They often conclude that the noonday demon will be with them forever because of their inner battle and many failures to overcome or contain it which have been going on for some time.  Seeing no progress or hope on the horizon, people take their lives.  They experience a sort of “combat fatigue.”  They just can’t get out of their foxholes.  It feels like a dead end.

It’s very difficult for suicidal people to think about anything but the pain they’re in.  It is hard for them to connect to the very real pain – emotional devastation really – that loved ones would feel were they to take their life.  It’s as if they’ve become unmoored from all those who care about them and can only hear the siren of depression’s screaming wail.

I have been encouraged by others who have never experienced depression not to blog about the “grim topic” of suicide.  To me, that’s like saying let’s not talk about cigarette smoking and cancer. Untreated depression – like smoking packs of cigarettes everyday- can and often does lead to death.

In a real sense, I don’t give a damn what others think.  I want to reach those people out there who are suffering with depression and need someone, for Christ’s sake, to tell them that they understand and they’re not crazy to feel this way – even when it comes to having suicidal thoughts.

People who have suicidal thoughts should seek help right away.  Click here for immediate help, a toll free number and additional resources. There were plenty of times during my deepest depressions that I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.  And there was no hiding place; nowhere that I could go to escape the clutches of depression. It covered me like a wet wool jacket as I stumbled through my days.  I always reached out for help and it saved me.

I think that people who experience depression are very brave people.  They must cope with something very painful.  Often, they don’t feel supported. Often, even when they are really supported, they don’t think so because their depression tells them otherwise.  It’s the voice of depression giving them the old screw job every which way they turn. 

Had we broken arms or legs, it would be so simple.  Loved ones would respond – maybe with flowers and chocolates and a puffing up of our favorite pillow – with love and care.

Sometime ago, I was trying to tell my mother and older sister about my depression.  They weren’t terribly moved and I got angry.  I said, “Maybe, if my head were falling off and I was spouting blood, you would believe me then.  You would give me a damn ounce of compassion.”  Looking back on it, I really don’t think they were being selfish bastards.  I think that they just didn’t know.  They didn’t have any frame of reference for what depression is or just how painful it can get.

This really doesn’t make it any easier for the depressed person.  They feel misunderstood at a time when they feel broken.  They’re reaching out to people beyond their therapist and psychiatrists and hoping to find friendly souls to assuage some of their anguish.  “Surely, people will understand me and care about this,” they often think.  But others are often frightened and minimize the problem:  “Just get the hell over it” they preach from the pulpit.  All the while, we stand there, crying inside and feel all alone in a veritable wasteland. 

A few times, in the worst of times, I even thought that maybe if I really did kill myself, then others would take my pain seriously.  But what a supreme tragedy such an act would be; it doesn’t solve anything and would only leaves a cosmic trail of pain in its wake forever.  I am so grateful that I never acted on any of these impulses.

We all want so much to connect at a time when depression has disconnected us.  We feel ourselves falling with no parachute.  Yesterday, I give a presentation to thirty undergraduate students on the topic of depression.  After my talk, I fielded many questions.  One young woman asked, “what do you think helped you most in getting over your depression?”  First, I said that I hadn’t gotten over it; I would have it – in some form- probably for the rest of my life.  I told her that it was contained and manageable, not cured.  I also said: “Probably, what helped me the most was time.” My depression and who I am has changed over time.  It didn’t kill me.  I survived and continue to work at it like a miner digging for coal.  I have learned creative and effective ways to cope with it.  It doesn’t rule my days – most of the time.

After hearing my answer, she exclaimed, “How brave you are.”  I responded: “I really don’t feel brave at all.  What I do feel is determined”.  I feel determined to fight my depression in all of its manifestations.  I feel determined to not let it define me and my life.

It is such determination, over time, that helps us recover from depression.  It gives us hope because we can actually witness ourselves not giving into our melancholy.   We don’t need to keep being victimized by it.  Sure, there will be days when it might get the better of us.  But, as the old Zen saying goes, “fall down seven times, get up eight.”  Keep getting up.

The CEO of Depression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve read lots of books and articles about depression. What’s strikes me about most of them is how redundant they are. It’s as if there is a place called “Depression Town” where a lot of these authors live and reach consensus about what should be in these books

Most of the books I’ve read didn’t particularly help, some did.  Yet, I felt compelled to keep buying them.  I would show up on a regular basis at my neighborhood Barnes & Noble looking for new self-help titles or troll Amazon hoping –just hoping – that there would be a depression book written especially for me.  During the worst of my depressions, I didn’t read the books so much as use them as emotional tourniquets.

The titles would usually be great – “10 Was to Stamp out Depression for Good”; the content not so much.  Many of the books were boring.  How could this be true, I thought?  How could they be writing about depression – one of the most God-awful experiences you can imagine – and bore me? Most of the authors seemed never to have suffered from depression. If they had, they didn’t say.  If they had, I wished that they had told me so.  Maybe I would have felt a greater connection to what they were trying to say.

I think it’s easy to get lost in so much advice. And we’re all seeking pearls of wisdom; nuggets of truth that we can take back to our nest and ponder.  I think the best wisdom not only deals with the particulars of depression, but also connects us to the larger human condition and all humans search for meaning within suffering.

Sister Kathryn James Hermes, author of the book, “A Contemplative Approach to Depression”, writes that prayer and contemplation help us to deal with depression in a larger spiritual context:

“Both of these practices lead to vulnerability – the learned powerlessness of the truly powerful who can simply be: simply wait, simply be present, simply wonder, simply trust that much larger hands are holding us and knows for whom we work in view of a much larger plan that we cannot as yet understand.”

Absent this, I think many of our efforts to get better may fall flat.  Without such nurturance, advice becomes just another self-improvement project.  Not much really changes.  Oh, it might for a short while.  We feel better, and then one of the wheels of our lives starts to wobble as we try to traverse our days.  We feel like that is something about ourselves that needs fixing, and we get to it. Yet, there’s something very isolating and lonely about these Oprah-like projects to remake ourselves.  Often, it involves rejection of some important element of who we really are. 

That being said, we may come to the conclusion that depression is bigger than us, but it’s not bigger than God. A God –however you define Him/Her, who “holds us in His/Her much larger hands.”

When the turbines of depression were really churning in my life, dealing with it felt like a full time job.  I had two jobs really – working as a lawyer and trying to get better.  This often, in retrospect, would take on a grim earnestness that wasn’t very constructive.  Sometimes, or so it seemed, God would drop these moments into my life to remind me not to take myself or my depression too seriously.

My then 5 year daughter would say, “Daddy works for the Depression Company.”  As I tucked her into bed at night, and looked into those magical eyes that all small children possess, I said, “That’s right honey.  And I’m the CEO.”

 

The Remains of the Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Then summer fades and passes and Fall comes.  We’ll smell smoke then, and feel the unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a sense of sadness and departure.”  -  Thomas Wolfe

I felt like a tortilla a few days ago; you know, flat and doughy.  There’s a realization that summer’s really gone, and that the chilling zaps of winter are on the horizon.

When I wake up now, it’s dark.  While driving to get my coffee, the whole murkinessof the morning is compounded by the cold rain hitting my windshield.  Long gone are the summer showers that can feel so refreshing.  These drops are brooding; they cover everything like oatmeal coming out of the sky.

I’m looking out the window at my regular coffee haunt – Starbucks.  I like the regularity of it as the seasons change in front of me.  Everybody there knows my name – sort of like Norm from Cheers.  I like this easy familiarity; especially the witty banter about the work day about to begin.

I start to read a book, but throw it back in my brief case.  The shortening of our days and sunlight, in my experience, seems to make depression a bit worse.  The dark dank seems to reflect our inner landscape.  I know winter’s coming – sort of like I felt when I knew the Bar Exam was coming.  Emily Dickinson captures the sense of the melancholic days of winter:

“There’s a certain Slant of light, Winter Afternoons – That oppresses, like the weight – Of cathedral tunes.  Heavenly hurt, it gives us; we can find no scar – But internal difference – Where the meanings are.”

For those of you who don’t know – but I’m sure most of you do – science has chimed in and concluded that the lack of sunshine makes some of us feel pretty crummy.  It’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder (“SAD”).  The reduced level of sunlight seems to cause a disruption in our biological clock which let’s you know when you should sleep or be awake.  It also can lower the levels of serotonin (a known culprit in depression) and melotonin which affects our sleep patterns.  Click here to see a list of symptoms compiled by The Mayo Clinic to see if you suffer from SAD. 

According to expert, Norman Rosenthal, author of the book, Winter Blues, there’s an estimated fourteen million Americans who suffer from SAD and another fourteen percent of the adult U.S. population estimated to suffer from the winter blues.  Dr. Rosenthal states: “Though these people are not usually affected severely enough to seek medical attention they nevertheless feel less cheerful, energetic, creative, and productive during the dark winter days than at other times of the year.”

The Mayo Clinic lists a number of remedies to treat SAD including medication, lifestyle and home remedies and alternative medicine.  Things that I’ve felt helpful are as follows:

The first is the purchase and use of a bright light.  It’s a box that throws off a high concentration of light.  You sit in front of it for thirty minutes to a hour and let these simulated sun rays soak into your brain.  For more information about how these devices work and places to buy them, check out the companies Sun Box, Inc. and Full Spectrum Solutions, Inc.

Second, I’ve found that it’s very important to schedule my vacations in the winter.  My family and I go to sunny locales and bask in the sun like tortoises.

Third, get warm anyway you can.  I do this in two ways.  I make regular trips to the sauna at my gym. There’s nothing like sitting around with a bunch of naked guys that you don’t know –some of them are pretty hairy – to work up a rejuvenating sweat. The only thing missing are feathered head dresses and peyote.  This can also be accomplished with using the old hot tub.  I also change to a “warming diet” when the cold winds blow.  Click here to check out a series of great articles (just click again on the “Healthy Tips” button located on left side tool bar) from Dr Elson Hass, author of the best-selling book, Staying Healthy with the Seasons.

Law and the Human Condition

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many people who went to law school didn’t have a burning passion to be a lawyer.  They did so because they didn’t know what else to do with their undergraduate degrees.  Some went on to find and embrace their calling as lawyers, some did not.  Some have left the profession.  Most have not. 

Those who haven’t left, but think of doing so – sometimes daily – are legion.  Forbes Magazine reported that a full 38 percent of attorneys say they somewhat regret their career choice.  Additionally, Harvard Law School counselors estimate that 20% to 30% of active attorneys are considering another career. 

I recently bumped into the Valedictorian of my law school class.  She told me she had chucked her law career awhile ago, went back to school and was now an elementary school teacher.  She had gone from power suit blues to L.L. Bean greens.  When I told other lawyer pals about this, they weren’t shocked – they envied her. 

Recently, I had lunch with a contract lawyer at the Oyster Bar in New York City.  He had come from a long line of lawyers and judges in his family who encouraged him to go to law school.  After graduating from Harvard Law School, he worked seven years at a large Manhattan firm.  As we slurped our Clam Chowder, he told me that he didn’t know one person that was happy being a lawyer.   That if they could get out, they would.  Now it may be that misery loves company, but let’s be honest:  there are a lot of unhappy folks out there.  Lawyers walk the halls of justice and corridors of power – or maybe just look out of a Starbucks window – and wonder why they just can’t turn things around and just feel happy.

I don’t think job dissatisfaction is unique to lawyers; it’s the daily fare for most Americans. A recent MSNBC article read:  “Americans hate their jobs more than ever in the past 20 years with fewer than half saying they are satisfied.”  People, deep down, feel broken and vulnerable, but just have to keep going in order to survive in this tough economic climate.

My friend and psychologist, Richard O’Connor, in his book, Undoing Perpetual Stress, captures the daily plight of the average American struggling to make to make it:

“Here is where I leave trying to explain physiology [how stress and depression affect the brain] and turn to something I know about – life as it’s lived in the USA.  I get to hear all about it from my patients, a wonderful cross-section – aging Yankees, rising Yuppies, farm and factory workers, teens and seniors.  Most people are living with, I think, a fear of fear.  There is a sense that something is fundamentally wrong with the way we are living our lives, but a reluctance to look closely at that.  We know deeply that we’re in serious trouble, but we live our daily lives as if everything is fine, whistling past the graveyard.  We try to purchase inner peace, knowing perfectly well that’s impossible, but not seeing an alternative.  Or we tell ourselves that someone will figure out what’s wrong someday, and until then we’ll just have to wait.  Or we’ll simply live our lives later.  Or we may believe for a while in the latest fad – a political leader, a spiritual leader, a self-help guru.  We try to follow what the fad tells us, but it usually doesn’t do much for our troubles, so we give up and try to forget again.”

I give a lot of speeches across the country to groups of lawyers about stress, anxiety and depression.  It’s always interesting how many contact me later and say that while they aren’t depressed per se, life isn’t going very well.  There have been plenty of times I’ve considered – or it’s been suggested to me – that I consider changing the name of my website from http://www.lawyerswithdepression.com/ to something like www.lawyersdealingwithalotofshit.com.  No, it’s not a real website so don’t click on it.  The point is that lawyers are stuck not only dealing with the high decibel life as a lawyer, but also the everyday crap that all Americans must try to handle everyday.

Dr. O’Connor helps us to understand the breadth of the problem for the average American:

“Then there are those without a diagnosis:  I can’t estimate the number who feel their lives are out of control because they can’t lose weight, they can’t stop procrastinating, they can’t get out of debt, they can’t speak up for themselves – “soft addictions,” bad habits that make them feel miserable and ashamed.  They are still others who are like the living dead – numb to their own existence, busy working, buying, doing – feeling vaguely empty but compelled to continue, too busy even to sit and look at their lives.  Their depression has grown on them so insidiously that it feels normal; they believe life stinks, and there’s nothing they can do about it.  And finally there are the rest of us, who still have to find confidence, connection, love, who have to raise children without guidance in a crazy world, often watch our parents lose their minds if they live long enough, and wonder about the meaning and importance of our lives.  Even those of us supposedly without emotional problems, there is still the nagging fear that we’re faking it, just making it up as we go along, and praying we don’t stumble.”

This quote isn’t meant to bum anyone out – okay maybe it’s a tad bit melancholic.  However, I would argue, not morose.  I think it’s a true picture of the dilemma that most people deal with everyday as they cross at the traffic light pounding out on their Blackberry’s, yell into the old cell phone above the din of traffic noise or wonder ten times a day where they’re going to find the energy to deal with it all.

What makes lawyers different from the average Joe (and Jane)? 

I would argue that there are a couple of things.  First, the adversarial nature of the profession:  unless you are into slugging it out everyday (unfortunately, I’ve had opponents who thrive on this), the law will wear you down physically and emotionally.  Second, it is a career that is made up – maybe to a degree that few others are – of the mentality that you’re either a “winner” or a “loser.”  Third, much of the public has a murmuring resentment or outright disdain for lawyers.

What to do about all of this?  On this score let it be clear that I am not speaking to you from the mountain top, but from the valley.  I struggle with these problems – and the potential antidotes – every day.  But, I will give it a whirl.

First, recognize that many people are in the same boat as you.  If you recognize that you are not alone in feeling the way you do, it can ease your burden.  Some of this stuff is just the human predicament.  Most people have a difficult time navigating through life.  Chalk it up as a part of the deal we all signed on for when we were born into this troubled world.

Second, change your thinking.  I call this the “stressed-out-lawyer” myth.  This doesn’t contradict what I’ve said earlier; the point is that lawyers compound their pain by telling themselves — at virtually every moment of the day —  how out of control they are.  These thoughts, which a mental commentary on reality, – just plain out don’t help.  We need to be more constructive in our thoughts.  You’ll have to make the effort on this one.

Third – and I will never tire of tooting this horn – exercise.  We can’t ever forget that we are essentially animals with high powered brains.  The law jacks up our bodies with all sorts of high voltage situations we must confront.  We must find a way to discharge this energy or it will wear our batteries out.  Your poor body is literally screaming out to you to get rid of the stress before it eats away at your health.  As the Nike commercials say, “Just Do It!”

10 Ways to Deal with Depression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lawyer with depression used to call me once a month.  He would tell me about the emotional problems in his life.  Many times, he cried.  This went on for a year.  I listened each time for about a hour and then the conversation would routinely end with, “catch you later.”  Yet, nothing changed for him.  At some point I said, “Bob, what are you willing to do to change your life?”  He seemed surprised by the question.  He never called back.  Perhaps a good starting place for you to think about healing, is what old behaviors are you willing to change or what new behaviors are you willing to try to help you get better?

In her book, Listening to Depression:  How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life , psychologist, Lara Honos-Webb, views depression not just as an “illness”, but as a wakeup call; a signal that we have been traveling down paths in our lives that have been unhealthy.  She encourages us not to see depression as just a disease, but as an opportunity to change our lives.  There is something in us, if we would only listen, that is telling us that we are killing ourselves. 

We often don’t listen.  So that voice turns up the volume until we get sick with anxiety and depression – or heart disease, hypertension and cancer. 

As lawyers, we are experts at looking at problems from an analytical angle.  When we turn that powerful lens on ourselves, seeking to “solve” our depression, it just doesn’t work.  That’s because much of our distorted thoughts and strategies that got us into trouble with depression, can’t get us out. 

After we have been diagnosed with depression, we can evade responsibility for our own recovery.   Some time ago, I was in a great deal of pain.  I told my therapist that my depression wasn’t going away despite my sincere efforts.   I felt punished by my depression.   He gently told me, “Dan, you haven’t done anything wrong.  You’re doing it to yourself.” 

This was a turning point for me in dealing with my depression.  When I stopped letting depression victimize me, I began to take responsibility for getting better and started behaving and thinking in more constructive ways.  That being said, what constructive steps can lawyers take to deal with their depression? 

1.   Get help

You can’t handle this by yourself.  It’s not your fault.  It is a problem bigger than any individual person.  There are Lawyer Assistance Programs in most states that can get you started in the right direction, provide resources and help you with referrals.  Click here to search by state for a program nearest you.  While this advice sounds self-evident, believe me, it is not.  Recent statistics reveal that eighty percent of Americans don’t get any help for their depression.

2.   Maybe you have to take medication

That’s okay.  You may have a chemical imbalance which you need to address.  For many, psychotherapy won’t help until they quiet down there somatic complaints (e.g. extreme fatigue, sleep problems) so that they can have the energy and insight to work on their problems. However, “one size doesn’t fit all.”  Medication can – and is – over proscribed.  I also have a problem with family physician diagnosing depression and recommending antidepressants.  Eighty percent of the scripts for antidepressants in this country are written by such doctors.  Better idea:  go to be evaluated by a well-regarded psychiatrist who specializes in mental health and doesn’t also treat stomach upset, fungus on the feet and the flu.  For a fair and balanced review of the pros and cons of medication, check out HELPGUIDE.org, a not-for-profit organization.

3.   Negative Thinking

Whether you will need medication or not, you will need to confront your negative thinking with a therapist.  You really can’t do this effectively with friends or family alone.  A lot of research suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy is a particularly effective form of treatment for depression.  It teaches us that a large part of depression is made up of cognitive distortions.  One example is the all-or-nothing thinking approach.  Lawyers often think to themselves that they’re either “winners” or “losers” in the law. This is a distortion because the reality is that most lawyers both win and lose in their careers. Check out this excellent website article for a list of other cognitive distortions.  I recommend interviewing a couple of therapists before you settle on one.

4.   Exercise

The value of exercise is widely known:  It’s is simply good for everybody.  For a person with depression, it becomes not just about a healthy habit, but a critical choice.  In his book, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, Harvard psychiatrist, Dr. John Ratey devotes a whole chapter to the importance of exercise in treating depression.  Please check this book out.  Also check out this short article from the Mayo Clinic about how exercise can help with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

5.   Spirituality

If you have a spiritual practice, do it.  If you don’t, think about starting one. This could include anything from a formal meditation practice, going to Mass or just taking a walk in the woods.  A lot of research suggests that people who do have a spiritual practice do better with depression.  If you believe in God or a higher power, you can avail yourself of help and support from Someone who is bigger than your depression.  If you do not believe in God, maybe you believe in some other form of spirituality you can tap into.  Spiritual growth and development, in my opinion, is an important pillar of recovery.

6.   Join a support group 

I started a lawyer support group in my community and it has been going strong for two years.  Such groups can be invaluable in helping you to see that you are not alone and that others share in the very same struggle.  Contact a Lawyers Assistance Program in your state.  If you don’t feel comfortable being in a support group made up of lawyers, there are plenty of other routes to go.  Check out the website run by The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.  They run depression support groups meetings in all fifty states.

7.   Get educated

Read some good books on the topic of depression.  As part of your education, learn about the powerful connection between stress, anxiety and depression.  I recommend you read Dr. Richard O’Connor’s, Undoing Perpetual Stress:  The Missing Connection between Depression, Anxiety and 21^st Century Illness.  Dr. O’Connor opines that depression is really about stress that has gone on too long.  The constant hammering away of stress hormones on the brain changes its neurochemistry.    This can and often does result in anxiety disorders and clinical depression.  I list a number of other great books on my website at Lawyers With Depression.  The site also offers guest articles, news, podcasts and helpful links for lawyers.

8.   Build pleasure into your schedule 

As busy lawyers, we have the “I will get to it later” mentality – especially when it comes to things that are healthy for us.   We have to jettison that approach.  We must begin to take time – NOW – to enjoy pleasurable things.  A hallmark of depression is the failure to feel happiness or joy.  We need to create the space where we experience and savor such feelings. 

 9.   Restructure your law practice

Nobody likes changes.  Lord knows, I don’t.  Yet this pointer falls into the category of “what are you willing to do?”  Maybe you will have to leave your job.  Is this stressful?  Yes.  Is it the end of the world?  No.  Maybe you will have to change careers.  I have spoken to many lawyers who haven’t been particularly happy with being a lawyer since day one.  But they kept doing it because they didn’t know what else to do, the legal profession paid a good buck, they didn’t want to seem like a failure, they were in debt, etc.  I am not trying to minimize these very real concerns.  However, your good health (as I learned the hard way) has got to reestablish itself as a top priority in your life.  I changed the nature and variety of my practice and am the better for it.  I do less litigation.  As a consequence, I have less stress which has been long known to be a powerful trigger for depression.  It can be done.

10.   Practice mindfulness in your daily life

A lot of attention has been focused on the use of mindfulness lately as a way to help depression.  In mindfulness meditation, we sit quietly, pay attention to our breath and watch our thoughts float by in a stream of our consciousness.   We habitually react to our thoughts (e.g. “I will never get this brief done”).  In mindfulness meditation, we learn – slowly – to let the thoughts and feelings float by without reacting to them.  If such an approach to depression seems far-fetched, read the compelling book, The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness, for an excellent primer on how you can incorporate mindfulness into your day. Check out this article written for my website by one of the book’s authors.

In closing, I often tell lawyers to remember to be kind to themselves.  When I say this they usually look puzzled – like many a judge who has listened to my oral arguments. They’ve rarely, if ever, thought about it and don’t know how to be kind to themselves.  I believe that it first begins with a conscious intention – “I am not going to treat myself poorly anymore.”  Such a simple refrain can help us. 

Depression is often built upon poor mental/emotional and physical habits.  Our inner pain can bring us to the point where we have had enough.  It begins to dawn on us that we are worthy of love from ourselves and others and that part of such love involves taking care of ourselves.  I hope these suggestions help you on your path.